


Three's a Crowd

by SHARKMARTINI



Series: On the Relativity of Time [3]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, M/M, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, SnowBaz, Snowballing, Spit Roast, Threesome - M/M/M, sorry mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHARKMARTINI/pseuds/SHARKMARTINI
Summary: When Future Simon asks whether Simon can make himself scarce for a day, Simon is sure it's because he's trying to hide something. The truth is a little less sinister.
Relationships: Simon Snow/Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: On the Relativity of Time [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1381204
Comments: 41
Kudos: 242





	Three's a Crowd

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [No Time like the Present](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18230582) by [SHARKMARTINI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHARKMARTINI/pseuds/SHARKMARTINI). 



> This is what happens when your need for validation outweighs your common sense. 
> 
> This was written as pure fanservice for two very special loves, but I won't bother tagging them so they can keep whatever dignity they have left. I, however, have none.
> 
> Divergent from the second chapter of No Time Like the Present, and as a warning this is a little more explicit than the stuff I normally write.

**SIMON**

I'm surprised when Future Simon catches me in the kitchen after Baz leaves to hunt.

"So, what do you do all day?" he asks. "Do you ever- have things to do?"

"What would I have to do other than work on finding a way to get back to my own time?" I ask incredulously. I have no idea what he's getting at.

(Also I'm in the middle of a sandwich, and I feel like if anyone could relate to how much I hate being bothered when eating it's him.)

"Maybe you should get Penny to take you out to the library tomorrow. I know she wants to check the archives just in case- she could probably use the extra help."

"Why don't you go help her?" I ask peevishly. I don't know why, I do want to see Penny, and I would be happier if when I did get to see her, _he_ didn't have to be around.

"Because _I_ have things to do. Ever hear of work? Someone needs to pay for the groceries _you_ eat."

"I thought that's what Baz's trust fund was for?"

He makes a sour face and I decide I probably shouldn't have mentioned it. I take a big bite of my sandwich and pretend like I'm thinking it over. "Penny would probably love company at the library. It would be good of me to help her."

He nods. "It would, good idea. Bring her to dinner after too, I'll give you some money."

That makes me pause.

"What are you up to?" I ask, mouth full and eyes narrowed.

"What? Trying to get you to pull your weight around here? Excuse me for being sick of you sitting around the house all day while the rest of us work and get things done."

"I help plenty, Baz and I did research all day. Hours of it!"

"Well you need to work harder. We're not making progress fast enough."

We are. Penny and Baz are still working through all the stuff we've found. In fact, before he'd left ten minutes ago Baz was still working on the translations for one of the runic alphabets we'd tried to narrow down. So even if I found new stuff, I'd have to wait for him to get through what he's working on anyway.

"What is this really about?" I ask. I know he's up to something. And I don't care if he knows that I know. It's just like him to try and sneak something by me instead of being upfront about it, which would save us both a lot of time.

"Nothing, just- go help Penny tomorrow. Spend some time with her. Fuck, maybe I just don't want your face to be the first thing I see when I get home from work tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's Saturday," I tell him. He _growls_ at me then stomps away, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him.

Weird.

I'm finishing up a second sandwich when Baz gets back. His mouth is cold, as usual, but it's familiar enough that I'm expecting it now.

"Where's your evil twin?" he asks.

"Throwing a temper tantrum somewhere in there," I jerk my head towards the bedroom door. "He's been trying to kick me out of the flat while you were gone."

"Not seriously, though?" Baz confirms as he looks around the fridge. I wonder if he's finally going to eat in front of me.

"He wants me to spend all day at the library with Penny tomorrow. And to stay away until after dinner." I say accusingly.

"Oh?" he closes the fridge, giving me his full attention.

"Tried to say it was so that he could relax after work."

"Tomorrow's a Saturday."

"Exactly." I jab my finger at him. This is weird behaviour all around. Baz has been quick to be on Future Simon's side, but I'm sure he'll see it from my perspective, for once.

Instead he smiles, looking over at the bedroom door. "How suspicious." he says. He doesn't sound like he means it. Actually, he sounds rather pleased.

"He's up to something." I say emphatically. "He is. Really."

"Relax Snow," Baz waves me off as he makes his way towards the bedroom. I frown- I was hoping we could spend the evening snogging on the sofa if Future Simon was going to sulk in private. "Whatever Simon is planning- I can handle it."

And then he slips into the bedroom and leaves me sitting alone in the kitchen.

***

The next day, Penny drives Baz’s car to the library and brings me along like planned. We spend the day flipping through books on runic alphabets despite my protests that this is Baz’s area of expertise. (“It’s not, Simon. Do you even know what Baz does for a living?” Penny asks me. I tell her of course I know- he’s an unemployed linguist. “Exactly,” she says, jabbing me in the chest with her finger. “Unemployed. The only thing Basil knows how to do is draw money from his trust fund and act like he’s sulking about it.” I ask her what his next contract is for- she tells me to stop asking so many questions and to start reading.)

We don’t learn much we don’t already know. It's a waste of the day, research-wise, but I admit it was nice to spend the day together. Penny decides we're stuck because the runes aren’t the problem- the blood magic is. (I think the runes are a problem.)

I tell her I want to do some sight seeing while I’m in Future London, but she's promised her parents she'd have dinner with them and all her siblings while she's in town. She drops me off with the car and then takes the tube back to her parents’ place. It makes me wish I knew how to drive- I should have bullied Baz into teaching me over the past few weeks. I hadn’t even thought of it.

The day together was… nice. Different than when my Penny and I hang out, but it felt good to have her near anyway. It makes me feel more like myself. It’s been easy to kind of get lost in everything that has been going on. Spending time with Penny again makes me feel grounded, makes me think about getting back home to my own time.

I let myself into the flat with the keys I’d taken from Baz earlier- and I stop immediately.

All the lights are off- but there are candles all over the place.

I go to look at one (it's _dangerous_ to leave candles unattended, even before considering doing so when you live with a vampire) and see it's battery-operated. Which, thinking about it, is kind of smart.

I turn around and-

There's a bouquet of roses on the kitchen table, still wrapped in the paper. I remember Future Simon telling me to stay away until after dinner and- suddenly I realize why.

I'm intruding on some kind of date night. I glance at the bedroom door- it's closed. Fuck, I hope it's not their anniversary or some other bollocks.

(This must all be for Baz's sake- anniversaries, well they're kind of shit, yeah? Agatha and I hadn't bothered celebrating any of them. Once or twice she'd asked if I wanted to go to dinner to celebrate- but she didn't have her car at Watford during the year and she never liked taking the train into town. Besides, the food at Watford is the best I've ever had- I didn't need to go anywhere else to eat when there was good food right at school.)

I have no idea what to do. I decide to just, sit on the sofa and make as little noise as possible. They won't even know I'm here.

(It makes me feel weird. Being out here while they’re in there. I don’t really want to think about it. About why Baz is probably in there right now but didn’t want my hands down his pants just the other day. I realize that it doesn’t make sense, but- something about it feels weird all the same. I don’t want to think about their date night, despite being stuck in the middle of it. I should probably go out somewhere, but the idea of leaving and not knowing what’s happening is even worse, somehow.)

My plan works perfectly until the bedroom door opens and Future Simon comes out in just his pants, closing the door behind him and heading towards the linen closet. He does a double take when he sees me. I jump to my feet- I didn't expect to get caught.

"What are you doing?" he says, "I told you to stay out until later."

I clear my throat. "Penny, ah- she promised to have dinner with her family."

"And you couldn't have chosen to just- grab a kebab somewhere?"

"Sorry, I didn't get the message that I was going to come back in the middle of a Barry Manilow music video. Maybe you should have started earlier if you didn't want to get caught."

He frowns. "You're a visitor here. Nothing you say about this matters to me. This is my flat and if I want to make love to my boyfriend-."

I flinch. "Don't say it like that! That sounds embarrassing."

Predictably, he ignores me. "If I want to make love to my boyfriend and you've got a problem with that- I don't care. You should leave."

"And go where?" I ask.

"I don't care. It's not my problem."

"Look- okay, fine. Sorry for- being rude, I guess. It's just- weird. For me. To think about you guys being together. I think- I might kind of… like Baz. Shit, sorry. I know he's your boyfriend and all, but- I don't know. We've gotten along really well while you've been gone, and I don't know. I just- like him." It’s difficult to get the words out, but I hope it makes at least a bit of sense.

"You like snogging him you mean." I freeze. He shakes his head at me. "I'm not an idiot. Did you honestly think Baz wouldn't tell me what's been going on between the two of you?"

I probably should have expected it, honestly- but I'm a little surprised all the same. I clear my throat and sit back down, looking at my knees.

He sighs. "You're jealous." he says.

Is that what this is? I hadn't really considered it but- I guess this is probably what that feeling is. "I mean- I guess." I admit, looking up at him.

He frowns at me. Neither of us say anything for a long while. Baz is probably wondering what he's doing.

He sighs again, before jerking his head towards the bedroom. "Get on then," he says, heading towards the linen closet again.

I blink at his back as he walks away. Then I look at the bedroom door.

I approach it slowly, like this might be a huge misunderstanding or mistake on my part. But when Future Simon doesn't call out to stop me, I grab the handle, turning it slowly and peeking into the room.

Immediately the Barry Manilow theme make complete sense. Baz is spread out in the middle of the bed, also just in his pants, the light from the battery-operated candles making his skin glow. His dark hair is spread out over the pillows. He's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

"Finally decided to come back, have you?" he asks playfully, cracking open an eye.

He freezes when he sees me in the doorway.

We stare at each other until Future Simon startles me by shouldering his way past me into the room, small bottle clutched in his fist.

"In or out," he says, tossing the bottle on the bed and crawling on top of Baz.

The sound Baz makes into his mouth is the same one I remember coaxing from him as we'd snogged on the sofa. I take a deep breath and close the door behind me (for what reason I don't know.) It feels weird being the only fully-dressed person in the room, but it would probably be weirder to take my clothes off immediately (I don't know. Maybe. It's not like I know how this kind of stuff usually works. And honestly, I'm not entirely certain what this is.)

I don't have long to worry about it though, because as soon as I get close to the bed, Baz reaches up and tugs me down by the wrist into a kiss, Future Simon rolling out of the way.

"Whatever you want. Everything, nothing, something in between. You decide." Baz murmurs into my mouth. It makes me more confident as I let my hands explore his chest. I've never seen Baz shirtless before, but he's definitely got more muscle than the Baz I know back at Watford. He's solid under my hands, skin smooth and cool.

"May I?" Baz asks, toying with the hem of my t-shirt. His hands against my skin feel so good, and I reluctantly tear myself away from him to let him lift the shirt over my head.

He grins crookedly, smoothing out my hair before leaning in for another kiss. I let myself press against him, chest to chest. Being skin on skin feels so good, and I'm not surprised to feel myself getting completely hard in my trackies. This time when I slide my hand down the front of his pants Baz doesn't try to stop me, instead exhaling shakily against my cheek as I grasp him.

I've never touched another bloke's cock before, but it feels nice to have Baz's in my hand. I readjust my grip and give a quick tug, and Baz groans into my neck, mouthing at my pulse. I press my hips against his leg as I continue to touch and explore him. The way his breath hitches as I grip him tighter makes me press my pelvis more urgently against his hip. I grunt when I feel his teeth at the shell of my ear.

(It's probably a bad idea to let a horny vampire have free reign with his teeth, but right now Baz could bite me and I wouldn't care as long as he kept letting me hump his leg.)

"Can I take these off?" I pant when it's no longer enough.

"Yeah, yes," he breathes, hands already working at pulling down my trackies.

I can't help but stare as I work his pants off. I almost can't believe I'm looking at Baz's cock. It looks just like the rest of him, long and lean, with a pretty pink head.

I don't really know what to do now that we're both starkers, so once I've had my fill of looking I crawl back on top of him to continue snogging. It’s so much better, but still not enough to feel his cock against mine as we rut against each other.

I've never really considered what two blokes do when they have sex together- so while I want more, I'm not exactly sure what to ask for.

Future Simon clears his throat and I startle. I had forgotten he was here. "I'm going to fuck him," he says, like Baz isn't in the room, let alone lying on the mattress underneath me, "You can watch or have a go, if you want."

I frown at him. It seems presumptuous to just decide that without asking Baz first.

I open my mouth to tell him that. "I'll have a go," comes out instead. "If that's okay," I say, looking at Baz.

He grins, "Simon, I already told you- you can have anything you want."

I decide what I want is to snog some more. I want him, but I'm nervous too.

"Shall I get you ready, darling?" Future Simon asks, pushing me off Baz's hips and settling between his spread legs. I want to complain (I wasn't nearly done), but Baz finally wraps a hand around me, and all thought flies out of my head.

"Please," he murmurs against my mouth. I have no idea which one of us he's talking to. I grope around, breathing the air from his mouth as I grip his cock. I give him a long slow tug, and he does the same, sending a sharp pulse of pleasure through me.

I hear the snap of plastic, and I glance down between his legs where Future Simon is stretched out. He's opening a bottle of lube, tipping it over his fingers. "I'd offer you some," he says wryly, "but I don't want to get him too excited. He can be such a brat when he's worked up."

"You're such a dick," Baz laughs breathily, "as if you don't love it."

"Hush darling. Simon's being so good to you, don't neglect him." I must still look confused because Future Simon raises an eyebrow at me in a way that reminds me violently of Baz. "Fingers first," he says, reaching down behind Baz's bollocks with purpose, "then it's your turn."

I swallow, Baz panting into my neck as I try to keep my hand steady on his cock. My rhythm falters as I watch Future Simon slide a finger into him, and Baz's hand stutters on my own cock.

_Oh sweet fucking Merlin_ , I think as Simon twists his finger, pulling halfway out and then pushing back in all the way to the knuckle. The sound Baz makes into my neck makes my cock twitch in his grip.

My view from up here isn't great, but it's enough that I can see when Future Simon adds more lubricant and pushes in with what looks like two fingers. I don't see how it could possibly feel good, but Baz is writhing against the sheets, uncoordinated and mouth open as Future Simon fucks him.

It's mesmerizing.

"Ready?" Future Simon asks as he pulls back and adds a third finger.

Not at all. I'm so worked up I can taste my magic in the back of my throat- I'm going to explode (in more ways than one), the moment I get inside him.

Instead I push that thought out of my head and move down the mattress until I've joined Future Simon between Baz's legs. He's still got his fingers in Baz, so I take a moment to grab the lube. My slick hand feels ridiculously good on my cock, and I wish I had the courage to ask Baz to cast _Candle in the wind_ on me. Maybe if it were just the two of us, I would.

But then Future Simon is pulling his fingers free and wiping them on the sheets, leaning forward to press a kiss to Baz's inner thigh.

"How do you want him?" Future Simon asks, running his hands across Baz's hips, tweaking the edge of a hipbone and getting a heel to the chest for his effort. They both laugh at the same time, and all of a sudden I wonder what I'm doing here.

"Simon," Baz says, reaching out to me. "Kiss me."

Future Simon moves out of the way, as I crawl up Baz's body to reach his mouth. It's reassuring, calming and familiar to feel the press of his lips against mine, the slide of his tongue. My heart is still pounding frantically, but now due to the anticipation rather than just nervousness.

"Like this?" Baz asks, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes.

"Yeah," I breathe back.

I reposition myself and let out a breath. Future Simon passes me a pillow and Baz lifts his hips, so I stuff the pillow underneath him.

Fuck, I can't believe we're about to do this.

I take my cock in hand and press it against him. He's warmer here than I would have expected- I wonder if he used some kind of spell. I keep pressing forward, and suddenly the tension gives and I'm sliding in.

" _Baz_ ," I choke out wildly between my teeth as I feel him around me. It's so tight, so warm. It's incredible.

"Simon." I feel his cool hand against my forehead as he brushes my sweaty fringe off my face. I want to kiss him, but I can't reach him from this angle, he's too tall. I don't know how he knows, but he brings his hand to his mouth, kissing his fingers briefly and then pressing them against my mouth.

It makes it better, somehow. Gives me the courage to keep pushing in until I'm completely buried in him.

I've never felt anything better.

"Okay?" I ask.

"More than."

I need to move, so I pull back, groaning at the feel of him as his body tries to keep me inside. My hips stutter as I press back into him, uncoordinated and eager.

Fuck this feels so good.

I wish I knew how to make him feel as good as I do.

"Put his leg over your shoulder," Future Simon says, leaning over. I glance down dubiously and make a face. I don't think that would be comfortable. Future Simon rolls his eyes. "He's flexible, it won't hurt him."

I'm not sure I want to take his advice, but Baz has already lifted a leg, and so I nudge my shoulder under his knee. I feel the change immediately- and grunt as Baz tightens around me.

"There you go," Future Simon says, reaching out and wrapping a hand around Baz's cock. "Change the angle a little, you're not quite there."

"I didn't ask you," I snap peevishly. It's about as much I can take, holding myself back from just giving in and fucking Baz wildly. I can't handle Future Simon's directions on top of everything else straining my self control. "And I'll do that," I hiss, slapping his hand away from Baz's cock and replacing it with my own.

Future Simon doesn't say anything, but smirks at me as he makes his way up the mattress and pulls a softly groaning Baz into his lap. "Do you hear that, darling? You've made Simon absolutely feral. And selfish too- I was hoping we could share."

I grit my teeth, ignoring him and work instead on trying to coordinate my hand on Baz's cock with the rhythm of my hips. It's hard work, and I don't quite have it. I shift a little, readjusting my grip and-

"Simon!" I startle as Baz cries out and tosses his head back. Huh, maybe I should have taken Future Simon's advice after all. I let myself speed up, and it's the right choice, Baz continuing to pant and pressing his hips down into my thrusts. Fuck, fuck, he's so hot-

“There you go, princess.” Future Simon says, reaching down and pinching one of Baz’s nipples. I grunt as I feel him constrict around me at the sensation. “Look how hard Simon is working for you. You're so spoiled."

"Fuck off," Baz pants against the skin of Future Simon's thigh, left hand reaching down-

"Hands off," Future Simon tells me, catching Baz by the wrists. "Boyfriend's prerogative."

"I want to come," Baz _whines_. "Fuck, Simon- let me come."

I still my hand, but keep fucking into him. I don't know what Future Simon's problem is- I want Baz to come too. I'm almost there, and I want him right there with me.

"Soon," Future Simon promises him- giving me a pointed look. I reluctantly remove my hand and use it to brace myself against the mattress instead. I use the extra to leverage to thrust faster, harder. Every time I decide that’s it, it can’t feel any better, somehow it _does_.

"I'm going to come," I choke out, my orgasm catching me by surprise. 

“Yes,” Baz pants. Neither of them tell me what to do, so I keep going, fucking into Baz as hard and deep as I can, shaking and grunting until I pulse wetly inside him. I'm still trying to catch my breath, everything hazy and slow when Future Simon shoves me aside, taking my place between Baz's legs.

"Someone's impatient," Baz notes amusedly as Future Simon peels his own pants off, tossing them aside. (I didn't know he was still wearing them honestly.) He grabs Baz's wand, tossing it at him before slicking himself with the lube. (It's kind of weird to watch him, but I'm curious to know how similar we really are. Besides being thicker, more muscled- our bodies are pretty similar. The same tawny skin and moles, the same wide freckled hands. Even our cocks look the same- which is a pretty weird thing to notice, but I was curious and needed to know.)

" **Clean as a whistle** ," Baz says, pointing his wand at my crotch. His magic feels hot running through me, making me feel full and relaxed. The sticky mess on my abdomen and between my legs vanishes, and I lie back, boneless in the tangle of blankets.

Baz barely has time to put down his wand before Future Simon grabs him by the hips and flips him over on his stomach. I flush as Future Simon pulls his cheeks apart, holding Baz open with one hand and sliding a finger into him.

"Oh _fuck_. You're so wet- so loose."

I swallow, suddenly too hot, something uncomfortable squirming in my abdomen as I watch Future Simon line himself up and slide into Baz.

It shouldn't get me off, watching what is basically me fucking my roommate and (former?) nemesis. I watch, shame slithering through me as Future Simon holds Baz down against the mattress by the back of the neck as he pounds into him. I want to tell him to let up a little- it looks pretty rough- but the sounds Baz is making don't make me doubt his enthusiasm for a second. (He sounds so good- maybe even better than when I was fucking him. Louder, more desperate.)

It should all be disgusting, but the dirty sounds of lube and come as Future Simon continues ploughing Baz only make me hotter. it isn't long until I notice that I'm hard again, and absent-mindedly stroking my cock while I watch them fuck.

I groan as I thumb over a particularly sensitive spot and Future Simon looks over. Immediately I'm a little embarrassed- he didn't get himself off while watching us, maybe we're not supposed to do that?

But instead he leans over Baz, whispering in his ear. I can't hear what he says, but whatever it is has Baz pushing his head deeper into the mattress and groaning long and low.

"Simon," I startle when I realize Baz is talking to me and not Future Simon, "can I blow you?"

My cock jumps in my grip. I've never had my cock sucked before.

Future Simon is rubbing Baz's lower back and whispering in his ear again as I shuffle over towards the head of the bed.

"Probably easiest if you sit back against the headboard," Future Simon instructs. Merlin, is he always this overbearing? How can Baz stand it?

But I do as he says and sit up against the headboard, Baz crawling between my legs as soon as I've settled and pressing cool kisses up and down my inner thighs.

I don't know whether I should look at him while he does it. (I want to. Baz has these perfect pouty lips- they would look so good stretched around my cock.)

He makes the choice for me and looks up at me as he takes me into his mouth. It's the hottest thing I've ever seen.

"Oh, fuck." He's cold, but it stops me from getting too worked up too quickly. His mouth slowly warms up around me, and- _fuck_ ~~-~~ it feels so good. Better than good- it's incredible.

I want to keep watching him, but it's getting me too hot, so I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the headboard. I've learned since being here that Baz shaves every morning, but it's getting late and I can feel the rasp of his stubble against the skin of my thighs. It startles me at first, but soon the extra stimulation is something I crave, each drag against my skin a reminder of exactly what is happening.

_Fuck, maybe I am gay_ , I think as I push my hips up against Baz's face, trying to chase that rough scratch. I don't want to think about it in too much detail right now, but it seems pretty gay to want the feeling of another bloke's stubble while he's sucking you off.

Baz slowly builds up to a smooth rhythm that has me gasping, fisting my hands in his hair as he does something with his tongue that makes my hips jump uncontrollably. I can hear Future Simon panting over the wet smacking of skin, and feel the mattress rocking underneath us as he fucks into Baz, pushing Baz further into my lap.

I'm dragged from bliss when Baz pulls off, coughing as Future Simon thrusts particularly hard. I smooth his hair back from his forehead and rub at the back of his neck.

"Be gentle!" I snap over him at Future Simon. "Are you okay?" I ask Baz, wiping a thread of saliva from the corner of his mouth. He nods, kissing the tips of my fingers before pulling two of them into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he sucks.

Fuck, his _mouth._

I press my fingers deeper, feeling his tongue curl around them as I watch the stretch of his lips around the knuckles. Is there anything Baz does that _isn't_ sexy? I'm mesmerized by the sight, my own mouth hanging open until Baz pulls off, not breaking eye contact until he's lowered his head back into my lap and swallowed me down again.

It's just as impossibly good- better maybe, because now Baz is groaning around my cock as Future Simon continues fucking him. Baz's rhythm falters as he tries to slip a hand between his hips and the bed, but Future Simon pins it to the mattress, leaning over and nipping a shoulder in what's obviously a warning.

(I can admit to myself that it gets me hot, watching Future Simon holding Baz down and telling him what to do. I know it shouldn't but- fuck. I've never been in control of anything- not even my own life- and just the idea of having someone as proud as Baz under my control- well the idea is pretty seductive. Especially considering how comfortable with it he is- if anything Future Simon's attitude only makes Baz hungrier for it.)

I finally let myself close my eyes and give into it; the wet heat of Baz's mouth, the smooth slide of tongue, the occasional rasp of stubble- it's too much, too good. My skin is tingling as I feel my magic crawling up my veins, looking for a way out. "Baz, _fuck_ , you're gonna make me- I'm gonna come."

He lets me pull at his hair as I come down his throat, fucking his mouth frantically as my pleasure peaks. The smell of smoke is pungent in the room as I come down from my high, Baz licking me clean.

I'm absolutely knackered, every part of me satisfied.

Baz pulls away, leaving a last kiss on the inside of my knee. I sigh and slump against the headboard, letting it support my weight. I let my muscles go slack and groan as I relax into it.

"What about me?" Future Simon asks, leaning down to bite at Baz's neck, "am I allowed to come now too?"

Baz laughs breathlessly, folding his arms underneath his chest. "Always so impatient."

"Can’t blame me- you feel incredible. I can't get enough."

Baz flushes faintly at the praise (I didn't know he could do that. Does that mean he's fed recently?), and tilts his hips up. "Give it to me, then."

It's a mad race to the finish from there, Future Simon grunting with the effort as he fucks Baz into the mattress. I'm too tired to go again, but it's pleasurable to watch all the same.

Finally, Future Simon lets out a long groan and his hips stutter against Baz's arse. Then he collapses on top of him, making Baz laugh. "You disaster, you're all sweaty- you're getting it all over me!"

"That's the least of your worries right about now, darling."

(I look around for Baz's wand but I don't see it. I left mine in the other room, and I still don't think I can get up without my legs shaking. We'll have to clean up later.)

"Come here," Future Simon says, getting up and turning Baz over, "I love you." Then they're kissing. I stay silent, feeling like a bit of an intruder at this point, honestly. I'd try and just kind of slide to the floor, but the bed is high enough that I don't think I could do it without getting up and I'd rather they didn't notice me right now.

They kiss for a long time until Future Simon finally pulls back, licking his way down Baz's neck, and then I notice-

Baz still hasn't come.

(It must be painful by now, right? I have no idea how long we've been in here, but it's been long enough. His cock is still hard and damp, flushed a deep purple. He seems eager for more as Future Simon rubs circles on his stomach, trying to shift his hips upwards into the touch.)

"Against the headboard, darling." Simon finally murmurs against Baz's stomach and Baz shifts until he's next to me, leaning into my shoulder.

"Satisfied?" he asks me, kissing my shoulder.

"Yeah," I say, mouth dry as I watch Future Simon kissing his way up Baz's thighs.

"Ah, _fuck_." I watch Baz's eyes flutter closed as Future Simon licks at his slit. Baz's mouth is hanging open, and he looks so good that I can't help but lean over and kiss him.

Baz's coordination worsens and the kiss turns increasingly sloppy as Future Simon bobs his head and works his way deeper into Baz's lap. Soon Baz isn't doing much more than panting and groaning into my mouth as I desperately try to watch what's happening between his thighs.

Future Simon pulls back and catches my eye. It's terrifying to be caught looking, but something hot and tight squirms in my gut.

He blinks at me before jerking his head towards Baz, who still has his eyes closed as he goes back to sucking him.

I get to my knees slowly, before crawling down between Baz's legs.

I've never really thought about sucking another bloke's cock before. A couple of days ago I'd tried to get my hands down Baz's pants, but having his cock in my hand seems a lot less stressful than putting it in my mouth.

What if I don't like it?

( _Then it wouldn't be the only thing you can think about right now,_ my brain whispers at me- which I guess makes sense. I haven't been able to focus on anything since I started watching Future Simon, except wonder what it's like, how Baz tastes.)

Future Simon makes room for me as I lay down on my stomach, but doesn't stop. Baz is still breathing heavily, his chest falling and rising quickly as Simon pulls off to mouth at his bollocks (which is something I never realized you could do. I'm learning a lot this evening.)

It's probably smarter to start slowly, decide whether I like it- so instead of doing that I wait until Future Simon's head is out of my way, then I take Baz's cock in my hand and lick the head as Future Simon runs his tongue along the base.

Baz's eyes fly open, and the sound he makes when he sees the two of us makes my spent cock twitch. "Aleister _fucking_ Crowley," he pants, as I take the tip in my mouth and hollow my cheeks around him. I don't know what to do with my tongue, but I try to run it over his leaking slit. Future Simon pushes my hand away, and licks at what he can reach. I feel Baz shudder and hear the wet sound as Future Simon slides a finger back into him. He's moaning non-stop, writhing against the sheets as we work him, and Future Simon reaches up and splays his free hand on Baz's stomach, holding him steady for me so I don't choke.

"Simon," Baz sighs as he slides a hand into my hair, just letting it rest there as I pull back and lick up and down his shaft, joining Future Simon.

Future Simon pulls off, watching as I take Baz back into my mouth. "Try relaxing your soft palate," he says. "As if you were about to take a paracetamol." I still don't like being told what to do, but I want to make this as good for Baz as I can, so I try to follow his advice. "Breathe through your nose," he continues, "and go _slow_."

I push down, and try to relax my throat. I probably look like a tit, but Baz tenses beneath me, letting out a long string of curses as I take him as far down as I can. I close my eyes and focus on trying to breathe, but it's not as difficult as I expected. The hand in my hair clenches and I groan, which makes Baz hiss and his hips jump.

I like it. This. Having Baz in my mouth, making him feel good. I like pulling reactions out of him, hearing his breath speed up as I move slowly up and down his length.

I can hear the wet sounds of Future Simon's fingers in Baz's arse, faster now. I can feel Baz's muscles tense as he pants and tugs at my hair. "Simon- Simon! I'm going to come."

Oh.

I pull back a little, because I don't want to choke, but I keep on sucking as Baz moans and tugs at my hair as he fucks my mouth eagerly until he comes. I'm caught a little off-guard, but it's not an unpleasant experience.

The come is another thing, though. _I probably should have thought this through_ , I think as I sit up.

I must make a weird expression at the prospect of swallowing because Future Simon laughs, before nudging my face with his own. I have no idea what's happening until he runs his tongue across my mouth slowly, and then- I glance at Baz, collapsed against the headboard, his mouth open and grey eyes wide.

Right.

I crawl into Future Simon's lap, leaning down and pushing my tongue into his mouth. He groans at the rush of Baz's come, and I wonder if it's for show or if it's an acquired taste. It should be weird to kiss myself, but it doesn't feel much like that at all. Instead I'm thinking of Baz, kissing Future Simon the way I know Baz likes to be kissed and from the feel of it he's doing the same to me.

Like we're kissing him through each other, the taste of him on both our tongues.

"Great snakes, you're going to give me an aneurysm," Baz says weakly as we break apart. Future Simon wastes no time in throwing himself down on top of Baz, and pushes his face into one of Baz's palms. Baz lets out a breath and pushes a finger into Future Simon's mouth. Future Simon closes his eyes and gives a quick suck, before opening and showing off the mess of come and saliva on his tongue.

( _This_ is a little freaky now. Surely regular people don't do this in bed. It's a little hot, fine, but a lot nasty.)

Future Simon makes a show of swallowing the mess as Baz thrusts his finger in and out of his mouth, eyes never leaving his face.

I have no idea what to think of all that, so I swipe a tissue from the nightstand and start cleaning myself up instead. I'm well and truly knackered. I'm not sure my legs have the strength to get up and make my way to the sofa.

I startle as a pair of hands lifts me under the armpits, but it's just Future Simon, who drops me on top of Baz before getting out of bed and leaving the bedroom.

“Hey,” Baz says, smiling at me with soft, sleepy eyes.

“Hey,” I say back. He rolls me onto my back, sliding on top of me as we kiss slow and deep. I let myself relax into the mattress, my muscles heavy and loose as Baz runs cool fingers along the underside of my jaw.

“I love you,” he tells me, pressing kisses to the corner of my mouth. “Thank you.”

“Happy anniversary?” I try, but he just laughs and kisses me again.

Future Simon comes back into the room with a couple of warm washcloths and tosses one in my direction, before pulling Baz off me and stretching out beside him.

I run the cloth over myself as they kiss and clean each other up. I’m about to make my excuses and slink off to the sofa when Baz pulls me into his arms, tucking my face into his neck. Future Simon gets out of bed, taking the washcloths with him, before coming back and turning the candles off.

The room is suddenly dark, but I can hear him getting back in the other side of the bed, and I feel Baz shifting against me as Future Simon tucks up behind him.

(I’m glad Baz runs cold, because I can only imagine how hot it’s going to be with three of us in the bed.)

“Good night,” Future Simon says, yawning.

I think briefly about how nice it is to be able to sleep in a bed again, and how much better it is than the sofa, and I fall asleep quickly to the sounds of their breathing.

***

I wake up needing to take a piss.

I stumble out of the bedroom and do a double-take. Future Simon is stretched out on the sofa with a snarl of blankets tangled around his ankles.

“What’re you doing out here?” I ask.

He opens an eye and yawns. "D'you know what I wanted more than anything when I was back with you at Watford?" he asks.

"To get home?" What a dumb fucking question.

"Okay, yeah. I meant other than that." Oh. Well then, I actually have no idea. He yawns again, stretching. "I wished you would go away for a bit, give me and Baz some time together instead of always sneaking around trying to pick fights with both of us because you couldn't handle your feelings."

I'm confused. "What feelings?" I ask suspiciously.

He sighs. "It's not important. But now you know how hard it is to be displaced out of time. I know it too- so I figured I'd get out of your way for a bit, in case you needed some emotional support."

"You were looking for emotional support back at Watford? From Baz?"

He ignores me.

"Forget it. You're the only person I know who sees someone doing you a favour and considers it suspicious. It’s maybe not your fault for thinking it, but not everyone is out to get you. Now go back to bed, don't let Baz wake up alone and wonder where we went."

I go the loo, then stop right outside the bedroom on my way back.

"Uh, thanks. I guess." I tell him.

I don't really know what I'm thanking him for, but I think he needs to hear it.

"Yep,” he says, turning his back towards me.

So fucking weird.

Baz is still asleep when I crawl back into bed. Something hard pokes me in the thigh as I try to get comfortable, and I reach down, feeling my hand close around Baz’s wand.

I roll over to Future Simon’s bedside table and tug open the drawer, dropping the wand inside. The drawer won’t close, so I shove my hand in, moving things around and feeling the brush of velvet against my fingers.

I stop and look over at Baz, making sure he really is asleep.

I lean over, grabbing at the soft material-

It’s a box.

A ring box.

I open it, just to make sure.

Well shit.

I shove it back in the drawer, covering it with a bunch of discarded papers and clutter and just leave Baz’s wand on top of nightstand.

How long has that been there? I can’t remember if I saw it the other week when I was going through Future Simon’s stuff. I don’t think I did.

Is that what I interrupted tonight?

(It can’t be. It would be terrible timing. Future Simon is annoying, sure, and a little thick, but he seems to know what Baz wants- and Baz is not the kind of bloke who would be happy with a proposal right after sex as the younger version of his boyfriend sat in other room twiddling his thumbs on the sofa.)

It must just be there for safe keeping.

I turn and look at Baz. He always looks so different when he sleeps. Less stressed, less burdened. Like the weight he carries around with him is set down, even for just a short while.

I try to imagine what this future would look like. Humdrum vanquished, Baz in my bed, Penny’s phone number on speed dial.

Maybe it’s the late hour, or the happy chemicals flooding my brain from the earlier sex, but all of that sounds… kind of nice, actually.

_Maybe a future without magic isn’t such a bad place after all_ , I think to myself as I get comfortable against Baz, and fall right back into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for checking it out. Apologies to my mom.
> 
> I can also be found on [tumblr](https://sharkmartini.tumblr.com/).


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